Английские шутки про детей. English jokes about children

Предлагаю вашему вниманию подборку английских шуток про детей. Надеюсь, вам понравятся эти короткие шутки на английском.

 

“Betty, I’ve told you again and again not to speak when grown-up people are talking but wait until they stop.”

“I’ve tried, Mummy, but they never stop!”

 ***

Six-year-old Tommy went to a birthday party in a brand-new suit. When he came back home from the party, his mother saw that a lot of holes had been cut into it.

“Good gracious, Tommy, what have you done with your brand-new suit?”

“We played grocery store and I was a piece of Swiss cheese.”

  ***

The hostess said she was sorry she had no cheese to give her guest. Her little son went out and came back soon with a piece of cheese, which he put on the guest’s plate. The guest smiled, put the piece of cheese into his mouth and then said: “Thank you, sonny, that’s very kind of you. You must have better eyes than your mother. Where did you find the cheese?”

“In the mouse-trap, sir.”

  ***

One day Johnny went to see his aunt. He sat quietly and did not say a word.

“What’s the matter with you, Johnny, why don’t you say something.”

“Mummy told me not to ask for anything to eat, and I’m trying to remember.”

 ***

 “Good afternoon, Mrs. Brown. Mummy says she’ll be glad if you come to tea on Saturday.”

“Thank you so much, June. Your mother is very kind.”

“Oh, no, Mummy says she’ll be glad when it’s over.”

It was Dick’s sixth birthday. He got some presents and a cake with six candles. He looked at the birthday cake and said: “I’d rather have six cakes and one candle.”

  ***

Sammy was showing his drawings to his mother’s guest

“I like this drawing very much. Is it your best one?” “No, it isn’t.”

“Well, show me your best drawing, please.”

“It isn’t done yet.”

  ***

Charlie had been a bad boy and his mother was going to spank him, but he crept under the bed. His mother was too stout to creep after him. Charlie’s father was rather thin and when he came home he was able to creep under the bed to get Charlie out. When the boy saw his father come, he asked: “Was she going to spank you too, Daddy?”

 ***

“Mary, why aren’t you a good girl?”

“It’s hard to be good, but I can be bad without trying.”

  ***

“What are you crying for, sonny?”

“I’ve lost my sixpence, sir.”

“Never mind, here’s another.”

(The boy takes the sixpence and goes on crying

“Well, what are you crying for now?”

“Oh, sir, if I hadn’t lost the other one, I’d have two.”

  ***

A lady came to see a friend of hers who had three children, a boy and two girls. The boy had a bad cold and one of the girls had measles. The other girl was sitting alone in a comer downstairs, crying bitterly.

The lady came up to her and asked: “What’s the matter, my dear, why are you crying so bitterly?” “Because they have got bad colds and measles, and everybody is being kind to them and giving them pre­sents, and I haven’t got anything,” answered the girl, and went on crying in her comer.

 ***

“Davy, why were you fighting with that Billy Smith ? He’s a very bad boy. You mustn’t fight with him again.” “I won’t. I know now he’s stronger than me.”

 ***

“Harry, look at the clock. It’s past your bed time. What will Daddy say when he comes home?”

“He’ll say: ‘What’s for supper tonight? “Father,” asked Sam, “why do most Americans always say ‘I guess so’ instead of ‘I think so’?”

“Well, my boy, I suppose it’s because most Americans are so busy that they never have time to make sure of anything.”

 ***

Little Mary asked her brother to give her a ride on his knee. He gave her a long ride until his knee began to hurt and he was very tired.

“Well, Mary, was that nice?”

“Oh, yes, thank you, but, I had a ride on a real donkey last week!”

 ***

Two small brothers got a letter from their aunt, asking one of them to spend his holidays with her. She wrote she could not have both because her flat was very small. Neither wanted to leave home but their mother decided that one must go. So they tossed for it, and soon one of the brothers was sent to his aunt’s.

“Well, my boy, and how did you decide who was to come?”

“We tossed for it.”

“Ah, you tossed for it. That was clever of you, and I seen you won.”

“No, I lost.”

I hope you'll like this English jokes for children.

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